So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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