Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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