Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
