I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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