I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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