My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize