Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
