you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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