If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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