Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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