i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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