oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she peed on how many people?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
