no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
