No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
