Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
