Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
