I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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