what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
