Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
