I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
