She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
