Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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