I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
