this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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