But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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