Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
