They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
