On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
