i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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