I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
