i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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