ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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