idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
