At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
