I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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