she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
