My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
