OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
