i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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