Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
