I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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