i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
