There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
