im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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