i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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