We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
