i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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