So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
