i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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porn star boner night. come get it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants