just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.