Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
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No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!