i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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