Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
