So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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