Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
