I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your cock deserves a montage
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
