he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
