two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
