Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
