Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
