They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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