i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
