Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
