its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
