i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
they need to just BURY HIM!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
