you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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