if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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