tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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