His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
