I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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