My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
