in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
