"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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