U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
