I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole