i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.