Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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  (239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16
  Replies (7) Good night (3736) Bad night (994)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

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  (479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f
  Replies (17) Good night (7464) Bad night (1255)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk

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  (814): Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk http://tfl.nu/i4kc
  Replies (9) Good night (5704) Bad night (927)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"

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  (817): He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick" http://tfl.nu/f333
  Replies (18) Good night (4032) Bad night (1157)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco

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  (847): Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco http://tfl.nu/zw9u
  Replies (18) Good night (3278) Bad night (1578)
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  (909): View more from California

  he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.

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  (909): he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him. http://tfl.nu/hp2h
  Replies (6) Good night (1843) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.

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  (724): I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/fuww
  Replies (11) Good night (2200) Bad night (882)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.

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  (305): You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos. http://tfl.nu/9yd3
  Replies (5) Good night (751) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun

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  (615): The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun http://tfl.nu/o67z
  Replies (4) Good night (1554) Bad night (893)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.

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  (337): Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned. http://tfl.nu/yn2t
  Replies (7) Good night (1485) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Oh god...probably.

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  (309): Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping? (727): Oh god...probably. http://tfl.nu/m37j
  Replies (3) Good night (1224) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.

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  (847): It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks. http://tfl.nu/gfjz
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!

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  (216): I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear! http://tfl.nu/zz62
  Replies (3) Good night (1369) Bad night (349)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society

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  (905): I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society http://tfl.nu/2bvl
  Replies (1) Good night (548) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair

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  (201): If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair http://tfl.nu/7qee
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (574)

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