i permit you to call me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
