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• (281): View more from Texas

  How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend

  (936): View more from Texas

  Get a boyfriend

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• (716): View more from New York

  Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?

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• (408): View more from California

  Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working

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• (509): View more from Washington

  We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.

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