We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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