He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
