i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was CRYING into my vagina
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
