sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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