You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
