I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize