Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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