FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
