she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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