i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
