We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
