the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
